But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize