I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize