i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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