so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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