I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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