Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
