I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
