So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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