Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
