is your mom at the bar?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
