What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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