matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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