we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
