you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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