he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
