You just made me feel so damn special
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he fucked my hip out of place.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name