Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...