Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
two words: eviction party
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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