chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
