why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
