do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
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A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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