Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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