so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
