well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
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We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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