i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
