And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
