P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
