I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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