i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize