There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
