She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
