The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
