Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
