i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
