I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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