This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
