you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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