i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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