I wish my penis had an off switch
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How external is "for external use only"?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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