I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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