i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
