So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
