everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
