Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
