Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize