There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
