a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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