I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
