Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
