Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
