we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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