Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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