it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
