laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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