I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
