someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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